Guessing what your man is thinking can become one of the eternal agonizing quests of women. This is because men are not usually able to voice their feelings and emotions.
In her book "The Female Brain" (New York Times Best Seller) Dr Louann Brizendine reveals the science of men and women's hormonal wiring:
Women are hormonally wired to love, foster harmony, be nurturing, create community and be emotionally sensitive to others. To be happy they need environments where they feel understood, safe and emotionally secure.
Brizendine writes that men, on the other hand are hormonally wired to fight, hunt, protect, be competitive and aggressive. None of that fits with a women's wired desire for harmony, deep love and emotional safety.
Opposites Attract
So what to do? How can guys and girls live comfortably with each other when they are wired at opposite ends of the spectrum?
When a woman begins her journey 'searching' for a partner to co-habit with her, she could be subliminally looking for a 'soft' man, a caring person - perhaps the opposite to males she has so far experienced in her life. 'Softness' is her term for 'non-aggressive'.
If she has been surrounded by strong assertive males in her family, or recent relationships she will probably be longing for the opposite, especially if those 'strong' males hurt her heart or completely missed her needs for love and empathy.
Pros & Cons of a 'Soft' Man
Finding a 'soft' man is great from the point of view of finding a partner who may be able to notice her feelings and emotions, who may be more able to notice his own feelings and express them easily, and who also likes harmony.
However, if the 'soft' person has leant too strongly to softness without internal depth and stability they might be prone to depression, low self esteem and passive covert (subliminal) emotional manipulation (due to their lack of internal empowerment). There you go.... Another mine-field to watch out for.
OK, let's look now at the opposite dynamic.
If a woman has spent a recent phase of her life (family or partners) engaging with 'soft' men who lacked empowerment, worldly skills, financial acumen, go-get-it energy, creativity or clarity - she is likely to search for that masculine clarity in strong men. The kind of man who knows what he wants, stands for his rights, is vocal about his preferences and leads.
Pros & Cons of a 'Strong' Man
Usually 'strong' assertive men are not easily aware of their own hidden depths. They are usually more connected to their careers, their pursuits, their physical expression, their hobbies or businesses. Their inner worlds are often left behind in their quest for the 'hunt' and winning - something.
A woman who has a 'strong' man for a husband or partner can easily become part of the 'furniture'... something the man has 'won' and 'owns'.
It might sound brutal, yet it's true. Trophies in a strong man's life can abound. Bank accounts, big toys, desirable women, deals and recognizable wins. A strong man's self esteem can often be based entirely on external markers. A bit like a male dog leaving a trail of urine to mark his boundaries.
This may sound unkind - yet men and women are more 'wired' hormonally and from millennia of genetic engineering than we may think!
Sahara Desert of Emotion
So, a woman can easily find herself left on the emotional shelf. Her deep need for emotional engagement, safety and emotional security can feel like the Sahara Desert and be tragically not fulfilled in her relationship. Yet she may continue to love - because she is profoundly, genetically wired to do that.
It takes a lot of emotional destructiveness to stop millions of years of genetic design. Yet finally, a woman, maybe after years of a dry desperate heart, may give up.
And, from my point of view, this is a tragedy.
One of the reasons this is a tragedy is because with not much effort, through being shown how to use her natural intuitive sensitivity in a specific way, a woman can easily observe exactly what her man is feeling, his hidden fears, his hidden needs and his hidden attitudes.
How To Create An Emotional Connection
To create emotional connection and a sense of safety, all most women want, is to know what their man's needs are - and his fears.
As soon as they know his fears and vulnerabilities women tend to react compassionately and caringly. They, again, are wired to do this!
It can switch on their love again! No longer are their hearts afraid, sad, disconnected from their partner. If the love for their man or partner is still in their hearts, learning the true needs of their lover quickly re-fires their feeling to contribute, give and love.
The Enormous Value of "Understanding" Each Other
Understanding creates harmony. Mis-understanding creates hurt and fear.
So when a man cannot express his feelings, fears, needs or vulnerabilities (and that's most men) a woman loses touch with her function in the relationship - which is to love. Love heals - and intuitively women often love their partners to help heal their man's love-starved or wounded hearts.
So here is a powerful piece of information.
When a woman understands her man's fears, hidden needs, sadness or wounds - she is often triggered to help out. This can switch on her love.
Another powerful piece of information is this: men LOVE TO BE LOVED.
They may never say so. They may even not know they need to be loved (most don't).Yet deep down it is often a FOUNDATION NEED in them.
So when a woman UNDERSTANDS her man's hidden needs, and wants to love him to heal his honest real need for love - both get what they want and need.
Women love to love - and men love to be loved.
However, this dynamic depends on a woman UNDERSTANDING her man or partner.
Women: Learn To Use Your Intuition - In A Smart Way
I recommend women becoming more 'intuitive' and learning new specific intuitive skills that these days can easily be learned through on-line or convenient tele-class training.
Most women are intuitive and can learn to instantly 'read' below the surface of their partner's logical mind.
As a spiritual advisor and intuitive, I'm aware of easy mind tools that most women would find simple to follow, yet which reveal the true hidden depth of their partners. These tools involve simple visualizations that create an instant 'snapshot knowing' of what the other person is feeling below the surface.
Such simple intuitive skills, in my opinion, need to be accepted passionately by women, because it is a natural part of their 'wiring'.
My suggestion is for any woman who would like a satisfying, harmonious, happy long-term relationship to learn these skills. They are GOLD.
Happiness has no price on it. It is the only thing we all long for. It is the deepest driver over staying alive. Loving someone easily and successfully brings a kind of happiness that touches our deepest soul.
Understanding your partner opens the heart and helps love flow between you. Men love being loved. Without them realizing it (often) they begin to soften, relax and not be so driven.
And women love to love. Yet it is only when they harmonize with their man through understanding him, that they feel emotionally safe enough to love him.
In my experience (33 years) most women are fascinated with their own intuitive abilities and enjoy learning smart ways to use them. So learning HOW to accurately use this natural part of their female sensitivity - their intuition, to immediately understand their men, can create the priceless gift of a happy, committed, loving relationship.
Alicia Power
Soul Coach & Author: "Psychic Scan E-Book"
Author and International Soul Coach Alicia Power is an expert in psychic training (20 years), soul coaching and personal development (33 years). She is a journalist for spa and lifestyle magazines, a media personality and has over 8000 Twitter followers. To discover more about intuitive mind tools to x-ray your man's hidden emotions, or to download an e-book go to: http://www.psychicscan.com.In her book "The Female Brain" (New York Times Best Seller) Dr Louann Brizendine reveals the science of men and women's hormonal wiring:
Women are hormonally wired to love, foster harmony, be nurturing, create community and be emotionally sensitive to others. To be happy they need environments where they feel understood, safe and emotionally secure.
Brizendine writes that men, on the other hand are hormonally wired to fight, hunt, protect, be competitive and aggressive. None of that fits with a women's wired desire for harmony, deep love and emotional safety.
Opposites Attract
So what to do? How can guys and girls live comfortably with each other when they are wired at opposite ends of the spectrum?
When a woman begins her journey 'searching' for a partner to co-habit with her, she could be subliminally looking for a 'soft' man, a caring person - perhaps the opposite to males she has so far experienced in her life. 'Softness' is her term for 'non-aggressive'.
If she has been surrounded by strong assertive males in her family, or recent relationships she will probably be longing for the opposite, especially if those 'strong' males hurt her heart or completely missed her needs for love and empathy.
Pros & Cons of a 'Soft' Man
Finding a 'soft' man is great from the point of view of finding a partner who may be able to notice her feelings and emotions, who may be more able to notice his own feelings and express them easily, and who also likes harmony.
However, if the 'soft' person has leant too strongly to softness without internal depth and stability they might be prone to depression, low self esteem and passive covert (subliminal) emotional manipulation (due to their lack of internal empowerment). There you go.... Another mine-field to watch out for.
OK, let's look now at the opposite dynamic.
If a woman has spent a recent phase of her life (family or partners) engaging with 'soft' men who lacked empowerment, worldly skills, financial acumen, go-get-it energy, creativity or clarity - she is likely to search for that masculine clarity in strong men. The kind of man who knows what he wants, stands for his rights, is vocal about his preferences and leads.
Pros & Cons of a 'Strong' Man
Usually 'strong' assertive men are not easily aware of their own hidden depths. They are usually more connected to their careers, their pursuits, their physical expression, their hobbies or businesses. Their inner worlds are often left behind in their quest for the 'hunt' and winning - something.
A woman who has a 'strong' man for a husband or partner can easily become part of the 'furniture'... something the man has 'won' and 'owns'.
It might sound brutal, yet it's true. Trophies in a strong man's life can abound. Bank accounts, big toys, desirable women, deals and recognizable wins. A strong man's self esteem can often be based entirely on external markers. A bit like a male dog leaving a trail of urine to mark his boundaries.
This may sound unkind - yet men and women are more 'wired' hormonally and from millennia of genetic engineering than we may think!
Sahara Desert of Emotion
So, a woman can easily find herself left on the emotional shelf. Her deep need for emotional engagement, safety and emotional security can feel like the Sahara Desert and be tragically not fulfilled in her relationship. Yet she may continue to love - because she is profoundly, genetically wired to do that.
It takes a lot of emotional destructiveness to stop millions of years of genetic design. Yet finally, a woman, maybe after years of a dry desperate heart, may give up.
And, from my point of view, this is a tragedy.
One of the reasons this is a tragedy is because with not much effort, through being shown how to use her natural intuitive sensitivity in a specific way, a woman can easily observe exactly what her man is feeling, his hidden fears, his hidden needs and his hidden attitudes.
How To Create An Emotional Connection
To create emotional connection and a sense of safety, all most women want, is to know what their man's needs are - and his fears.
As soon as they know his fears and vulnerabilities women tend to react compassionately and caringly. They, again, are wired to do this!
It can switch on their love again! No longer are their hearts afraid, sad, disconnected from their partner. If the love for their man or partner is still in their hearts, learning the true needs of their lover quickly re-fires their feeling to contribute, give and love.
The Enormous Value of "Understanding" Each Other
Understanding creates harmony. Mis-understanding creates hurt and fear.
So when a man cannot express his feelings, fears, needs or vulnerabilities (and that's most men) a woman loses touch with her function in the relationship - which is to love. Love heals - and intuitively women often love their partners to help heal their man's love-starved or wounded hearts.
So here is a powerful piece of information.
When a woman understands her man's fears, hidden needs, sadness or wounds - she is often triggered to help out. This can switch on her love.
Another powerful piece of information is this: men LOVE TO BE LOVED.
They may never say so. They may even not know they need to be loved (most don't).Yet deep down it is often a FOUNDATION NEED in them.
So when a woman UNDERSTANDS her man's hidden needs, and wants to love him to heal his honest real need for love - both get what they want and need.
Women love to love - and men love to be loved.
However, this dynamic depends on a woman UNDERSTANDING her man or partner.
Women: Learn To Use Your Intuition - In A Smart Way
I recommend women becoming more 'intuitive' and learning new specific intuitive skills that these days can easily be learned through on-line or convenient tele-class training.
Most women are intuitive and can learn to instantly 'read' below the surface of their partner's logical mind.
As a spiritual advisor and intuitive, I'm aware of easy mind tools that most women would find simple to follow, yet which reveal the true hidden depth of their partners. These tools involve simple visualizations that create an instant 'snapshot knowing' of what the other person is feeling below the surface.
Such simple intuitive skills, in my opinion, need to be accepted passionately by women, because it is a natural part of their 'wiring'.
My suggestion is for any woman who would like a satisfying, harmonious, happy long-term relationship to learn these skills. They are GOLD.
Happiness has no price on it. It is the only thing we all long for. It is the deepest driver over staying alive. Loving someone easily and successfully brings a kind of happiness that touches our deepest soul.
Understanding your partner opens the heart and helps love flow between you. Men love being loved. Without them realizing it (often) they begin to soften, relax and not be so driven.
And women love to love. Yet it is only when they harmonize with their man through understanding him, that they feel emotionally safe enough to love him.
In my experience (33 years) most women are fascinated with their own intuitive abilities and enjoy learning smart ways to use them. So learning HOW to accurately use this natural part of their female sensitivity - their intuition, to immediately understand their men, can create the priceless gift of a happy, committed, loving relationship.
Alicia Power
Soul Coach & Author: "Psychic Scan E-Book"
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