It is a lonely feeling, believing that your wife is seeing another man behind your back. You may not be sure that she is cheating, but changes in her behavior have made you suspicious.
How can you tell that she is cheating on you? Perhaps she does not ask you to do things with her anymore, like go to the grocery store or take her out to dinner. It could just be that she needs some space, but it could also mean that she is become emotionally attached to someone else. Perhaps, after months of bickering over every little thing, she's suddenly pleasant and distant. Has she stopped caring? Maybe she's started to act in a suspicious manner, spending a lot of time on the Internet or her cell phone, and never sharing the details of her day.
By themselves, none of those things mean she's cheating on you. But usually, when there is smoke there is fire. The question is, what are you going to do about it?
Find out for sure. Relationships change, and people grow with time. She may be acting differently as a part of the natural order of things. But you need to know, or the suspicions will drive you crazy. How is her behavior different? Spending less time with you could mean that she's feeling guilt about her actions, but it could also mean that she's feeling unhappy and unloved.
Approach the subject gently. Do not flat-out accuse her of cheating on you. Ask her if she is okay, and mention that you have noticed some changes in her behavior lately. Do not be vague about it - give her examples, and tell her that you will understand no matter what she tells you.
Encourage her to be honest with you. Encouragement doesn't mean accusing her in an angry manner - it means asking her with kindness and respect. Remember, she might not be doing anything wrong. And if she is, her first instinct at facing your anger will be to deny everything.
You have to tread carefully here, because if you accuse her and you are wrong, she will be upset that you do not trust her. If you are right, there is plenty of time to express your hurt and anger later.,
Talk about what has gone wrong. Even if she is not cheating, the fact that you suspect her is a sign that there are problems in your marriage. What is missing that she needs from you? Chance are it's attention - most women who cheat on their husbands report that it is not usually about sex, it is about intimacy. That do not make cheating right, of course. But it does make it understandable. She is only human, after all, and you may be at fault in this, too.
Decide if you can forgive her. If it turns out that she is, indeed, cheating on you, you have to ask yourself a few tough questions. Most importantly, can you trust her not to do it again? If you can truthfully answer yes, then there's hope for your relationship.
Be honest about your feelings, and explain to her that it is going to be hard to regain your trust, but that you love her enough to work on your problems together.
Do not give up on your marriage. She did not cheat because everything was fine in your relationship - she cheated because there were problems in your relationship. Even if she blames her straying on her own stupidity or on having too much to drink, the simple truth is that happy, fulfilled people rarely cheat on their spouses. The upside of this is that you can work on your problems together and resolve them.
Put aside any thoughts of violence. Anger can make people do a lot of really stupid things, and becoming violent toward your wife or her lover is absolutely the worst course of action you can take. Besides the fact that you don't really want to hurt someone you love, the consequences can be devastating. You could end up in jail, have an arrest for a violent crime on your record, or even end up dead. Banish any thoughts of violence from your mind at once.
It is important to remember that you're only human yourself, and you have made mistakes, too. That does NOT excuse her behavior, but it may help to keep in mind that nobody is perfect. Your hurt that you feel at discovering that she is cheating is because your marriage is very important to you. So commit to doing the work you need to do to save it. Stay calm, stay focused, and remain compassionate. Once the hurt and mistrust pass, you may find that your marriage is stronger than ever before.
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By themselves, none of those things mean she's cheating on you. But usually, when there is smoke there is fire. The question is, what are you going to do about it?
Find out for sure. Relationships change, and people grow with time. She may be acting differently as a part of the natural order of things. But you need to know, or the suspicions will drive you crazy. How is her behavior different? Spending less time with you could mean that she's feeling guilt about her actions, but it could also mean that she's feeling unhappy and unloved.
Approach the subject gently. Do not flat-out accuse her of cheating on you. Ask her if she is okay, and mention that you have noticed some changes in her behavior lately. Do not be vague about it - give her examples, and tell her that you will understand no matter what she tells you.
Encourage her to be honest with you. Encouragement doesn't mean accusing her in an angry manner - it means asking her with kindness and respect. Remember, she might not be doing anything wrong. And if she is, her first instinct at facing your anger will be to deny everything.
You have to tread carefully here, because if you accuse her and you are wrong, she will be upset that you do not trust her. If you are right, there is plenty of time to express your hurt and anger later.,
Talk about what has gone wrong. Even if she is not cheating, the fact that you suspect her is a sign that there are problems in your marriage. What is missing that she needs from you? Chance are it's attention - most women who cheat on their husbands report that it is not usually about sex, it is about intimacy. That do not make cheating right, of course. But it does make it understandable. She is only human, after all, and you may be at fault in this, too.
Decide if you can forgive her. If it turns out that she is, indeed, cheating on you, you have to ask yourself a few tough questions. Most importantly, can you trust her not to do it again? If you can truthfully answer yes, then there's hope for your relationship.
Be honest about your feelings, and explain to her that it is going to be hard to regain your trust, but that you love her enough to work on your problems together.
Do not give up on your marriage. She did not cheat because everything was fine in your relationship - she cheated because there were problems in your relationship. Even if she blames her straying on her own stupidity or on having too much to drink, the simple truth is that happy, fulfilled people rarely cheat on their spouses. The upside of this is that you can work on your problems together and resolve them.
Put aside any thoughts of violence. Anger can make people do a lot of really stupid things, and becoming violent toward your wife or her lover is absolutely the worst course of action you can take. Besides the fact that you don't really want to hurt someone you love, the consequences can be devastating. You could end up in jail, have an arrest for a violent crime on your record, or even end up dead. Banish any thoughts of violence from your mind at once.
It is important to remember that you're only human yourself, and you have made mistakes, too. That does NOT excuse her behavior, but it may help to keep in mind that nobody is perfect. Your hurt that you feel at discovering that she is cheating is because your marriage is very important to you. So commit to doing the work you need to do to save it. Stay calm, stay focused, and remain compassionate. Once the hurt and mistrust pass, you may find that your marriage is stronger than ever before.
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